If you’re reading this, I’m pretty sure it’s because you want to create that amazing date to impress that special woman in your life, possibly for Valentine’s Day or maybe another special occasion (such as her birthday or your anniversary). Well, as a woman who’s been out on quite a few dates myself (some of them so wonderfully memorable that I still tell my girlfriends about them), and as a Love Coach who has worked with quite a few amazing women, I’m pretty well-versed on what women want to see from the men in their lives.
I’ve recently began to share these incredible insights that few men are privy to with some very nice men who begged me for help and who have become my Love Coaching clients. Upon witnessing their desperation for knowledge, I felt a deep sense of duty to help them out. You see, my whole mission since I began my work as a Love Coach was simply to bridge the gap between women and men that leads them to so misunderstand one another. I began by helping women to understand what men want better. But then, men wanted to understand women better too, so I thought that it was only fair to help them too.
My one-to-one coaching work with men then took off as one told another how much he’d learned, and soon I’d decided to run workshops (stay tuned for those coming soon to an area near you). But, as I can’t be everywhere, I started to look for ways to share this knowledge quicker. I wrote and published a book helping women and am now working on a similar book for men. But until that’s done, I’m sharing the knowledge that I have here in this and other similar blogs that men like to read for this kind of information.
So, here are some quick tips on how to create a date that she’ll never forget (whether for Valentine’s Day or another special occasion).
1. Surprise her.
There is nothing sexier for a woman than a man who can create a special date entirely without asking her any questions, especially if he makes it a surprise. For practical, calendar-organizing purposes, I suggest booking that time in her calendar in advance (just to make sure she leaves it free for you), whether during the day or in the evening. Then, go about creating your plan, and make it a time when she doesn’t have to be concerned with making any choices other than, possibly, what she should order – if you know your lady very well, you can potentially even surprise her with your choice on that subject too (if she’s the type that would enjoy giving that control to you for this scenario). Make the day a mystery to her. Of course, keep this within the limits of what you presume she’d enjoy. Most women love to be surprised and pampered every once in a while, allowing their man to take control of creating that great atmosphere. Plus, you creating this safe atmosphere for her to relax and enjoy will make you seem more manly and proactive in her eyes, which will then allow her to surrender into her femininity.
2. Create an experience instead of just handing her a gift or flowers.
Don’t get me wrong- gifts and flowers are amazing (and very few women don’t like them), but allow them to be just a part of the experience. If you know something special that would really excite her or that she’d love to receive, by all means give it to her – but include it in the experience. This could mean creating a build-up to the moment when she receives the gift, which means the anticipation will build and make the gift itself into something more interesting than just a present. Or, it could mean taking her out for an experience that you can enjoy together and bond further around, such as seeing a special exhibition together, going dancing, going to a show that touches both of you (or makes you both laugh), or experiencing something else involving both of you together.
3. Give her your full attention.
When you’re with her, really make her feel special by paying attention to her fully. Do not be distracted by other thoughts, other people, or even by your phone. Make her feel that she is the only one who you are thinking of and who you want to be sharing that moment with. Every woman dreams of the man who is so attentive to her that he doesn’t even feel the need to pay attention to the outside world. Imagine how special and memorable you’ll be to her when you become that man; it will right away make you seem that much more attractive in her eyes. So, look into her eyes and make her feel that she’s the only woman you notice in that moment. This means no phones, no work calls, no other occupations, and definitely no checking for sport scores or checking out other women!
4. Be thankful for her presence in your life.
Even though you are the one creating the amazing atmosphere and potentially giving her a gift or flowers, thank her for being the incredible woman that she is. Imagine how good you’ll make her feel when you tell her how much you appreciate having her in your life. You can take that even further by telling her exactly what you most appreciate about her. It is an unfortunate fact of life that we often forget to show true appreciation to our partners and that we often walk around feeling under-appreciated. You telling her how special you feel she is will result in her realizing even more what a wonderful man she has by her side, a man who truly sees her for her best. It will make her even more devoted to being with you and to making you feel pretty wonderful too. Showing genuine appreciation for her will not only create a special atmosphere between the two of you but will also make this into an amazing day that she will remember for years to come (the added bonus being that she will share how great a man you are with her friends, who will then reaffirm how lucky she feels to have you in her life).
5. Do your best to make her feel extra-special.
Whatever your interests are, and whatever you plan for the day or evening, it will always go best if you put thought and intention into making her feel extra-special. Do your best, genuinely, and put yourself into her shoes while considering what she would like and what would make her feel really good. Consider what will give her the greatest pleasure, and fill her day or evening with joy. If this is a special occasion and you are thinking of giving her flowers or a gift, that’s great, but maybe add some special flair into that gift. For example, you can give her a beautiful plant instead of the flowers and send a message that as it blooms and grows, so do your feelings for her. That may sound cheesy, but believe me, she’ll ooo and aahh about it with her friends or family. If she is at work, you can have a bouquet of flowers delivered with a romantic note regarding what’s to come that evening. You can even have a mysterious note delivered to her workplace asking her to come out for a second. Then, hand her a special gift. Or, you can include a promise of the special gift coming later that day. If you want this special day to be memorable, create a gesture that she will never forget.
Julia Keller is a Transformational Love Coach who empowers women and men to be the creators of their ideal love life. Julia has studied what makes some succeed in love while others don’t, and she has used her knowledge to help her clients towards their own personal love success stories. You can see more from Julia Keller on her website: www.juliakeller.co.uk. Follow her on Twitter: @JuliaKellerUK, on Facebook and Instagram: @coachjuliakeller and on YouTube (search Julia Keller Coaching). To schedule a free 30-minute Love Tune Up call, go to Julia’s website, or click this link: https://attractauthenticlove.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?appointmentType=1926282
Having high self-esteem is important if you are aiming for personal or professional success. Interestingly, most people will high levels of self-esteem act in similar ways. That’s why it’s often easy to pick them out in a crowd. There’s something about the way they hold themselves and speak, isn’t there?
We all have different hopes, dreams, experiences, and paths, but confidence has its own universal language. This list will present some of the things you won’t find yourself doing if you have high self-esteem.
1. Compare Yourself to Others
People with low self-esteem are constantly comparing their situation to others. On the other hand, people with higher self-esteem show empathy and compassion while also protecting their own sanity. They know how much they can handle and when they can offer a helping hand.
In the age of social media, however, social comparisons are nearly ubiquitous. One study found that “participants who used Facebook most often had poorer trait self-esteem, and this was mediated by greater exposure to upward social comparisons on social media”. Basically, you will feel worse about yourself if you are constantly getting glimpses into lives that you consider to be better than yours.
Try to limit your time on social media. Also, when you do start scrolling, keep in mind that each profile is carefully crafted to create the appearance of a perfect life. Check yourself when you find yourself wishing for greener grass.
2. Be Mean-Spirited
People with low self-esteem bully others. They take pleasure in putting other people down. People with positive self-esteem see no need to down other people, choosing instead to encourage and celebrate successes.
If you find that you feel the need to put others down, analyze where that’s coming from. If they’ve had success in life, help them feel good about that achievement. They may do the same for you one day.
3. Let Imperfection Ruin Your Day
Perfectionism isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but obsessing over making everything perfect is a sign that you have low self-esteem and can lead to never-ending negative thoughts. This can turn into an inability to solve problems creatively, which will only make self-esteem issues worse.
Those with high self-esteem disconnect from the results and do their best without expecting perfection.
People with that kind of confidence understand that messing up is a part of life and that each time they aim and miss success, they’ll at least learn something along the way.
If you miss the mark, or if your plan doesn’t work out exactly as you would have liked, take a deep breath and see if you can pivot in order to do better next time.
4. Dwell on Failure
It’s common to hear people dwelling on all the ways things will go wrong. They are positive that their every failure signals an impossible task or an innate inability to do something. People with healthy self-esteem discover why they failed and try again.
People with higher levels of confidence also tend to adopt a growth mindset. This type of thinking supports the idea that most of your abilities can be improved and altered, as opposed to being fixed.
For example, instead of saying, “I’m just not good at math; that’s why I did bad on the test,” someone with a growth mindset would say, “Math is difficult for me, so I’ll have to put in some more practice to improve next time.”
Next time you experience a failure, check out this video to help you believe in yourself again:
5. Devalue Your Self-Esteem
People with high self-esteem value their own perception of themselves – they understand that they come first and don’t feel guilty about taking care of themselves. They believe charity starts within, and if they don’t believe that, they’ll never have a healthy self-image.
Self-care is often top of the priority list for people with self-esteem. For some ways to practice self-care, check out this article.
6. Try to Please Others
They can’t please all the people all the time, so confident people first focus on doing what will make them feel fulfilled and happy. While they will politely listen to others’ thoughts and advice, they know that their goals and dreams have to be completed on their own terms.
7. Close Yourself off
Confident people have the ability to be vulnerable. It’s those with poor self-esteem that hide all the best parts of themselves behind an emotional wall. Instead of keeping the real you a secret, be open and honest in all your dealings.
As Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, points out, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen”. When you embrace each facet of who you are and allow others to see them as well, it will create deeper, more meaningful connections in your life. When that happens, you’ll realize that perfection doesn’t lead to people liking you more.
You can learn more about the power of vulnerability in this TED talk with Brené Brown:
8. Follow and Avoiding Leading
People with low self-esteem don’t believe they can lead, so they end up following others, sometimes into unhealthy situations. Rather than seeking a sense of belonging, people with high self-esteem walk their own paths and create social circles that build them up.
9. Fish for Compliments
If you’re constantly seeking compliments, you’re not confident. People with high self-esteem always do their best (and go out of their way to do good deeds) because it’s what they want to do, not because they’re seeking recognition. If you need to hear compliments, say them to yourself in the mirror.
You can even try some positive affirmations if you need a confidence boost. Check out these affirmations to get started.
10. Be Lazy
People work harder when they have high self-esteem because they’re not bogged down by doubts and complaints. Those with low self-esteem end up procrastinating and wasting their energy thinking about all the work they have to do rather than rolling up their sleeves and just getting it done.
This may also bounce off perfectionism. Perfectionists often feel intimidated by certain projects if they fear that they won’t be able to complete them perfectly. Tap into your confidence and simply do your best without worrying about a perfect outcome.
11. Shy Away from Risks
When you trust yourself, you’ll be willing to participate more in life. People with low self-esteem are always on the sidelines, waiting for the perfect moment to jump in. Instead of letting life pass you by, have confidence in your success and take the risks necessary to succeed.
People with low self-esteem are always in other peoples’ business – they’re more interested in what everyone else is doing than themselves. People with high self-esteem are more interested in their own life and stay out of others’ affairs.
Instead of participating in idle gossip, talk about some positive news you heard recently, or that fascinating book you just finished. There’s plenty to talk about beyond what this or that person did wrong in their life.
The Bottom Line
Self-esteem is to success in life. People who maintain a healthy level of self-esteem believe in themselves and push themselves to succeed, while those with low confidence feel a sense of entitlement.
If you need a boost in your self-image and mental health, avoid negative self-talk and the other mistakes of people with low self-esteem. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes.